help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
