Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
