My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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