i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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