I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
