I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
