apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
