i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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