They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
