god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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