she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He passed out mid-signature
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
