had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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