I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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