i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
