you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
