Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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