There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
