I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
