it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
