Having a random hookup so left but love u
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
