First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
