Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
