He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
