We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
