remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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