I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
