Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
