Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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