i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
