a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
