she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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