I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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