Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
