I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
