Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
