he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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