you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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