Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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