I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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