I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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