Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
