You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize