Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
