I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
