Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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