Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
