some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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