I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
