dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
