Having a random hookup so left but love u
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
