I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
