dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
