The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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