Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
