girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
