Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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