ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
