i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
