I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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