I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
