I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
