glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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