Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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