ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
